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Hors d'Oeuvres With Obama

By Roger Wiegand      Printer Friendly Version Bookmark and Share
Sep 8 2009 9:34AM

With financial markets in smoking ruins after the mid-September, 2009 global bust-up, this just had to be an incredible and legendary, literary frolic.

Your editor takes a suppositional, candid, October, 2009 interview with the White House Kid sipping iced tea enjoying garden goodies. Basking on the sunny, historic, White House lawn, we asked about his thoughts, plans and responses to the recent stock market crash and veritable implosion of Congress’ Health Care, Cap ‘N’ Trade and Government Motor’s disasters. Of course we couldn’t resist inquiry about that most giant failure of them all…the monster American Insurance Government liability-TARP escapade. Did this one out-do Tulipmania and The South Seas Bubble?

Editor: Well, Mr. Prezident, our last month of September wasn’t any fun was it?

Prez: We know our TARP plan is working as the Congressional Budget Office just reported spending over $5 Billion a day in new emergency relief for my constituents. I guess the food stamps demand tripled in only two weeks. Plus with all the utility shut-offs many cities and towns went dark for non-payment of bills. No big deal.

Editor: Wow! We had no idea TARP cash was flying out that quickly. Last we heard, barely 10% of the $750 Billion was spent on shovel ready projects. Can you elaborate? Got some great new projects to discuss?

Prez: Well, as you know, unemployment had been a little bit underestimated at 10%. Our numbers guys tell me now we can expect perhaps something really bad like, say 12%.

Editor: Don’t you think that’s just a smidge understated? What with the total closure of state and local government offices in California, Michigan, Ohio, Florida, Arizona, and Nevada. Don’t you think 35% jobless is more realistic?

Prez: Naw; that’s just an exaggeration. They aren’t really closed down, after all I got a call from the Terminator in Scare-me-mento, I mean Sacramento and he said he got the wide-spread shooting mostly stopped and most of the building fires under control. Guess they had a minor dust-up with some people from East L.A. Apparently they had heavy and automatic weapons but the California National Guard stopped it with only about 800 casualties. The big LAX airport will be closed for awhile, as they had difficulty parking all the destroyed aircraft and those naught boys pretty much wrecked the terminal interior. I called our California CZAR and he told me he can fix it all in a few weeks as they have lots of free internment camp labor.

Editor: I suppose the repairs will be extensive considering what has happened? Gosh, this sure took lots of folks by surprise. But what really hacked ‘em-off was the closed-up banks and grocery stores. I mean couldn’t they have stayed open even part of the time?

Prez: That’s what I said, but there was no order or calm in the streets as all the fire and police officers had to go home to protect their families and loved ones. We fixed those guys. I signed an executive order…no overtime for you guys!

Editor: But Mr. Prez, don’t you think this could get serious? I mean we are seeing hungry, armed mobs roaming the streets at all hours trying to find food for children. Even the water supply is off in many areas as pumps quit for lack of electricity when those high-tension towers were knocked over. And, of course, now with the internet down and telephones working only part of the time, we’re seeing lots of lost folks unable to connect with each other. Last we heard, many businesses were closed for lack of power and many are boarded-up to prevent vandalism. I guess some reports say small business owners have packed-up and left permanently for the country.

Prez: Don’t worry about that silly stuff. I got Joe the Sheriff (Joe Biden) and good ol’ Joe sez he’ll have it back together in a Jiffy after all he’s got Al Gore, the internet inventor to fix that system and telephone companies wanted out of the land-line business anyway. Look at the new telephone system as one of 100% mobility! Our new media CZAR said he can get communications moving quickly as he’s now got 100% censorship control. We heard he plans to close-up those “Unfair and Unbalanced? cable news guys and gals. Man, they have been real pests. I guess they simply do not understand the phrase “Spread It Around.?

Editor: Mr. Prez, how did that CIA drama work out? Your AG was really beating them up in the news and in court.

Prez: I’m not certain of the ending on that one. We noticed most people in the AG’s office have just disappeared. Someone said they might be in training school classes in the Middle East. They went over there last month on a fact-finding mission and vanished! Can you imagine that! Well, they have their unlimited government travel cards so they’ll make it back some time. My people will let your people know on that one.

Editor: Mr. Prez with all the upsets and wide-spread damage in the states would it be a good idea to use some TARP money for rebuilding all these thousands of smashed properties?

Prez: We thought of that but Chopper Ben, Timmy the G. and Hank Paulson were in a high-stakes card game with me last weekend and said they need about trillion more to finish repairs on the big banks, stock markets and insurance companies. I mean those folks are down to their last few millions and we just have to keep our banking system together. Wouldn’t you agree?

Editor: (Incredulous Silence) Yeh, sure. We do have to save those big banks don’t we?

Editor: That reminds me Mr. Prezident, we were reading the latest budget and going over new tax increases. It sez here the middle class will now pay 75% of gross income to cover your social expansion programs, the Iraq war and Afghanistan War. Naturally we cannot forget our latest skirmish… that little police action between Israel and Iran. Ever since Israel had to save themselves with an attack on Iran things are getting really expensive. Nobody expected those naughty Iranians would sink the Oil Empress right in the middle of the Straits of Hormuz. I really wish they hadn’t done that cause oil is now approaching $300 per barrel and my little Econocar with it’s ten gallon tank takes $100 for a fill-up. Wow! Gas at $10 per gallon sure cleared-up the traffic problems didn’t it?

Prez: Yes it did! I am so glad my Greenie Czar Carol Browner has those EPA questions settled. I thought we would have to close down all the business in America before we got those problems out of the way. I mean the owls, snail darters and welfare folks were really unhappy with the air pollution. Now they can cross-over the street in peace. The traffic appears to be all gone for some reason. The malls sure are quiet, too.

Editor: Since retirement of key people in the House-Senate, how can you pass your latest list of legislation?

Prez: As you know, Pelosi, Reid, Frank, Dodd, Schumer and a few others decided to take quick retirements. Those torch light parades and cries for vengeance apparently had them somewhat worried. Did you hear Countrywide Mortgage actually repossessed Dodd’s houses? Boy, they have no sense of humor. Reid is supposedly hiding in Yucca Mountain. No wonder he didn’t want that nasty nuclear stuff stored there. Ol’ smart Harry had a plan all along! Pelosi was last seen on a monster private jet headed for the Pacific Islands (her hubby owns some things there) and Schumer retired to Miami Beach where he owns a nice restaurant and stores catering to all those new tourists coming in from Venezuela and Cuba. I’m not sure but Barney Frank might have purchased Pelosi’s house in San Francisco. I guess he likes the nice people and summer climate there.

Editor: What about Cap ‘N’ Trade? That was supposed to do so many wonderful things for saving energy?

Prez: Actually, we didn’t have to have those nice new energy rules after all. When energy prices skyrocketed, the vehicles were mostly parked and McMansions abandoned as utilities were too costly for operation. Now, of course families are living in tents in the forest cooking with campfires while getting reacquainted with their kids. However, I have to have a stern talk with Carol Browner about all that campfire smoke. I heard the sky went nearly dark over Chicago after most of the Cook County Forest preserves were cut down for firewood.

Editor: That reminds me. How are all your old South-Side buddies doing? You know…Bill Ayers, Reverend Wright and all the rest of those hard-working community organizers.

Prez: Well, since Acorn set-up shop, Chicago has changed a lot. The old Mayor Daly Junior gang is out and the new regime is in. They closed-up Chicago City Hall and moved headquarters to Hyde Park. This is much better as 100% of our neighbors think as we do. With gas costing so much we can have cheap political lawn parties. Cool!

Editor: Your new health plan barely squeaked by in Congress. How are things with the medical community?

Prez: Well not so good. You see the doctors and nurses couldn’t fill out all the paperwork but of course we didn’t know how either. Then, these medical people got all upset when they learned about the 75% income taxes and 70% pay cuts. Some of the good ones (you know those with lots of help and equipment), for some reason left the USA. They are operating on medical ships using numerous foreign passports. Most of the US hospitals and clinics are permanently closed so you better not get sick. You be careful out there! There are some doctors still working in the states, but those still in business operate in a black-market underground and trade services for stuff. For some reason they like gold, silver and barter and are really enjoying life. I just knew our ideas were better. See all the good things we’ve accomplished? Now if we get sick we can go to Canada and get on their waiting list.

Editor: Tell me the latest on cash and credit; those important things in our national financial system.

Prez: Well the new tax laws are supposed to collect another $6.5 Trillion but people were so broke and out of work they couldn’t pay at either the old rate or the new higher rate. We solved that one by printing another $20 Trillion in greenbacks. Of course to save the trees, paper and ink I had Timmy the G just hold his finger on the zero repeater button and presto we were digitized and rich! Pretty cool Huh? Some were worried about Zimbabwe-type inflation but I smoothed that one over. I just told ‘em we can always print more and our former Treasury Chief Hank Paulson said Goldman would lend us the rest and help us cover. He’s arranging the loans for us now as they’ve got about $400 Billion in TARP Money. Boy! Those guys sure know how to trade!

Editor: But, Mr. Prez…Aren’t you worried about all the debts and inflation?

Prez: Naw. I went over this with Larry Summers, Paul Krugman, Ben Bernanke and the rest of those cool guys. You know they put this all together on the FDR Model. It must be good stuff as it only took FDR from 1929 to 1945 using a major war he started with Japan and all those neat make-work programs to get it fixed. I think we’ll all be fine by about 2021. After all these advisors of mine are winners of Pulitzer Prizes in Spending.

Editor: Mr. Prez, after all this up-heaval aren’t you worried about all those unemployed blue collar workers? I mean you’ve basically destroyed their jobs, pensions and health care. What if they get angry? What if there is an enormous Bubba-Backlash? Don’t you think those folks have a right to a good life in America?

Prez: Now Roger; don’t you go getting all maudlin and worrisome over a bunch of guys that didn’t vote for me. I will be all right. I mean, after all, they are good hunters and can go farm and live off the land. Us big thinkers and doers here on the East Coast have got to do all their thinking for them. They are just rabble rousers and trouble- makers stuck in the past believing in capitalism, freedom, liberty, a strong work ethic and saving money. You just know that is the tough way to go. Us hip city folks; us cool urbanites have it all down. I mean we got free Ivy League educations and didn’t have to work or save any money. We just got out there and demonstrated and threatened folks and look what we have now. With the new socialism-communism we can take care of everyone. Just keep the cash rolling and install more rules and controls on the Sheeple and we’ll all have a great world.

Editor: We’re nearly out of time. Is that smoke I see coming from the West Wing? It couldn’t be could it?

Prez: Gotta go now Roger. My Blackburry sez there are Two Million marchers coming in pick-ups, on foot and on motorcycles. Michele emailed she’s packed and loaded the White House furniture and dishes. Got to save history Ya know. The movers are Otta here. We’re headed back to Chicago’s South Side. This will be our new seat of government. The White House is passe. Long live our social experiment in Hyde Park. Wasn’t that FDR’s favorite spot? Me and FDR are like twins. He sure did a great job ending the depression in just 17 years. I mean his war only killed a few million people. My wars should be about the same.

Just a few weeks later we heard the new American President is former Governor Huckabee and Willi Nelson was named Secretary of Defense. Vice President Shawn Hannity is tight with lead Strategic-Planner-Thinker Karl Rove and Rush Limbaugh is Mayor New York. Bill O’Reilly has been appointed Media CZAR of the Northern Hemisphere. Taxes were cut to 10% across the board and Steve Forbes is our Treasury Chief. Warren Buffet is head of the Commerce Department. Exxon’s Chairman runs both his firm and The Department of Energy. The former Chairman of John Deere is head of Agriculture and Jim Sinclair is Chairman Emeritus of the Department of Capitalist Thinking enforcing our new gold standard. The South Side of Chicago, we heard, was later abandoned by all its inhabitants leaving for Hawaii. All is well in my beloved America.

Financials crashed in fall 2008 with Lehman. Recovery began with TARP May, 2009: During this month of September, 2009 we’ll have more of a dead cat bounce ahead with a big smash later this month. While precious metals and their shares are higher this September 2, 2009, for the intermediate term (beginning October 31) most all trends reverse and moves to rallies.

Keep in mind, if you own paid for stuff it will most likely remain in your hands; not in somebody else’s. That includes gold and silver.

Do not get tangled-up in daily noise. Keep studying the larger view and buy precious metals after each profit-taking correction. Headwinds are building into an economic hurricane. Take care of business right now. My dire fall prediction might surprise us and arrive earlier. Time is short.

Personally, I can see unbelievable opportunities to trade that we would never see again for many years. Turn these problems into opportunities. Those on the right side of the trade might get rich. Those on the other side are just victims. Stay Alert. –Traderrog

Roger Wiegand
Editor Trader Tracks Newsletter
The Jay & Rog Blog at



Roger Wiegand is Editor of Trader Tracks Newsletter for gold, silver and energy traders. Roger provides recommendations for short and longer term traditional stock shares, futures and commodities trading with specifics for individual trades. See for more information.

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